Mumma sez it ar mai birfdae.

Mumma gibd meh extra treetz an' walkies. Her say it ar mai birfdae!!

Mumma sez wuz two yearz ago when she fownd meh. I dunno, I's too fuzzeh. I jus kno I livz wif mumma an' she taek meh walkies an' gibs meh guushifuud an' luvz an' snorgls.

I luvz ebbryfing, aspeshulie mumma's boobyz, dey is soff an warm an' I paw-pawz dem.

I has happy.

Mumma ar hoam. Dis ar grate fing.

Squeezle opins teh bedroom door an' goze in, but I knoez I nawt allowd in bedroom. Mumma sez is kuz I pees on fings. I still goze in sumtiems, jus to look aroun.

I ar so happi dat mumma ar hoam. Mumma wuz goneded foar long tiem. But nao, she ar hoam, an' der ar a blankee on teh chair, an' dat ar mai noo sleep plaess. I luv sleepin' der.

I has had so much to tell mumma abowt whut goze on awl dae. Mumma juz sed, "I lub u too, Kibbletron". I guess dat okeh. I lubs mumma so mush I droolz.

Yay. Mumma.

I hazza conehead. :(

I had dis owwy spot on my side, but I telld mumma I wus fine. Sum kitteh bited me, but I nawt tellz who. Kuz I nont amembers.

But den it gottid a lumpy and den it wuz icky and sore!! I likd it an likd it but den mumma taek meh to teh vet.

STOOPY VET!! Dey gibd meh a surgeree an maekd meh awl sleepi, but den dey ebin puttid a CONE on my hed. DIS SUX!!! I no can walk rite!! I no can eet rite!! An teh girlcats keep starin' at meh all weerd!!!! arg!



U shud klix to see mai piktor biggr. *huff*

I gunna go sleep wif my hed on teh windosillz. U awl sux.

I eetid dat bunneh. Nommd it ded.

I ketchd teh bunny frum under teh bush... and den I went strait hoam. I sat on teh mat, liek gud kiti, waet foar mumma to opin door foar meh. I ketchd mai dinnr.

Teh othr kitiz tryd to swyp mai bunneh, but I no letz dem. I nommd it!!

Nuffin' left 'cept sum bunnyfluff at teh fuudbowl.

Nao, I taeks a nap.

I telld u I wud ketch dat bunny.

ohai thar

Yeth, it has been a whyl sinss I writed teh blawgpozt.

I goed to tennusee wif mumma. We dryvd thru missysippy, an' gottid lost, an all sorts ov stuffs. We saw weerd roadsigns... it were odd.

So aneewae, I ar hoam nao, an' just wunnid to sai OHAI to ebbreewun who folloz meh on Twitter an' on teh Innerwebz.

OHAI!!

Kthxbai.

Frizzles! Teh noo win.

Okeh. I haz diskubburd dat I lubs chikkin. Mumma sumiemz byez a chikkin, an' I nomz it. I lubs it.

Derz dis plaess, u can stays in car, dryve thru teh plaess. Is kald Frizzles. Mumma goze der sumtiemz. Lassnite, mumma goed der, an' got dis cold stuff inna kup. She sed somefing abowt it bein' melty, so she shud noms it.

Well, it were varee melty, it spild on teh mumma. She wuz dryvin, so I halpt her by lickin' her hand off so she cud dryve. Dis wuz BEST. STUFF. EVAR. OMG sooo taestee.

Mumma sez dey has a chikkins der too!! omg. Mumma sez if we goze an' gets teh mael, sumtimes teh chikkin be less a munnies, so we can has moar. I luvs chikkin. An dis othr stuff, dis... froozin kustrd. I lubs it. I nommd it. So dalishus.

I fink bunneh problee taest liek chikkin. I droolz jus finkin' abowt.

I bin layzee

I knoez it, I nawt bin typin' liek I shudda bin.

Mumma bin walkin' meh ebbree day, an sumtiemz I seez bunneh an' chaess it.

Teh othr nite, mumma bin talkin' to some laydee, an' she let goez ov meh so I kud go luk foar bunneh. I goed walkin', I sniffed teh bushiz an' den wuz gonna sniffz moar bushiz but den I wuz stuk! Mai leesh nawt wunna lets meh. Datz okeh kuz i can has klevar kitteh. I zkootid owt bakwerdz an' went to tellz mumma dat teh leesh wuz meen to meh, nawt letz meh walkiez.

Mumma pikd meh up an' we goed hoam. We goed owt nex dae an' fownd mai leesh. I haz two, so iz okeh if I looz wun, rite?

(Elfi's note: I stopped to chat with a woman who asked questions about KB, and let go of his leash to let him wander around. He's not hard to locate again. After about five minutes, he comes strolling back, with no leash or harness. It had got caught in a bracket on one of the stairwells, and he'd scooted out of the harness. I'm so proud, he just came strolling back and we went home. The next day, I put his other harness on him and we went back out.)

I haz fun. I pees on stuf. It ar gud.

Yay! Car Ride!

I luvz car ride. Iz teh fun. I luvz watch teh othr cars goez awae, an' mumma singz wif teh raedeoo.

Todae, we goed to teh Kredy Onion. (Credit Union!) Dey maekz mumma has a munny, she sez. Mumma gibd dem a munniez an' den sum othr paeprz, an' dey gibd hur sum paeprz. Dey tryd to gibz meh a doggeh treet but I ar kitteh.

I nawt mynd goez to kredy onion, kuz dey has naiss sniffy booshiz. I snifz dem a lawt, an' I alwaez pees on teh lass wun. It ar mai favrit wun to pees on. Teh nex wun, I snifz it forebbur, mumma sez. But it ar soooo sniffy. I no can tarez mai noez awae frums it.

Enniewae, we kommd hoam nao. I taek nap an' snorz.

I swarz... I will git teh bunny.

I now luk for teh bunny evry time Mumma and me goze walkies.

I chase teh bunny every time I seez him.

I LUBZ chasing teh bunny!!!!

Bunnies ar win foar chasing.

Mumma nont need to put leesh on me no moar, I chaess teh bunny an' den I kom rite bak an' tellz mumma hao I nawt ketch teh bunny. Den I puts mai pawz up an' mumma piks meh up an' we goze hoam. I knoez whar to find teh bunny, too. I sniffz awl teh buushiz to see if der bin a bunny der. I knoez teh bunny iz der alwaez.

Sumdae, I wil git dat bunny.

Sumdae...

Sumdae, I swarez... I will git dat bunneh. I luuk foar teh bunny ebbreh dae. Sumtymz, at nite, I seez teh bunny, an' I chaess it a liddl.

Dis wuntiem, wen Daddeh wuz hoam an' mumma wuz at werkz... teh bunneh were RITE DAR at teh windo!! OMG me an' Squeezl wuz so axcytid. We stard at teh bunneh an smakd owr moufs... bunneh luukd so nommabul.

Mumma bin goinz to work laetlee. She bin werkin varee hard an' daddeh sez him ar happi. I ar varee sad kuz mumma nawt hoam in teh nite tiem when teh dinnar happinz an I wanna goze walkies. But den she kom hoam an walkiez meh, an datz gud. I snorglz her lotz wen she hoam.

Mumma been sorting cards laetlee, iz foar game "Magic: The Gathering", an' I dunno whai she sorts dem. I fink maebee she has sum cards dat will make a money, an munniez ar gud, kuz dey buyz teh kiti fuudz. Nom!!

Mumma ons a 'venchur!

Mumma sendid meh deez piktorz. Mumma are onna 'venchur to teh Tennyseez. She gonna bringz bak moar boxiz foar ebbreewun. I liek to pee on boxez kuz dey iz mien.

Enniewaez, mumma sed she hadto piddl at teh ress areeaz, an dey had deez skolpchurz. Dey iz naiss to luk at. Mumma sez iz moh-zay-ik. Teh wun wif the big ylow lizar iz a bench foar sits on.

I wud piddl on deez too, kuz dey iz mien. Mumma sez she nawt piddld on teh skolpchurz tho. I gess dat ar gud kuz peepulz nawt asposd to piddl on stuff liek dat.

I ownz teh werld.

An I peez onnit to proov dat.

Mumma tuukd meh walkies to teh maelbawx, an' der wuz uddr peeplz der, but dey nawt pattid meh!! I dunz knoe whai. I thot ebbrywun wunna pats meh.

Owell. Wun laedee hadda dawg wif hur, an... I kud has whakd it, but it nawt kom neer meh. Laedee ar gud, hazza leeshy on hur dawg. YAY!

I gonnaz luk owt teh windo nao. Mumma maek fuud.

Oboi. Walkies!

I luvz walkies. I speshly luvz dem when is nite-tiem, in teh tiem when ar dark, an' kittehz kan prowlz.
(I love walks. I especially love them when it's nighttime, when it's dark and kitties can prowl.)

So sins mumma up awl nite, I annownzd we goze walkies nao.
(Since mama is up all night, I announced we should go for a walk now.)

I had sush a gud tiem. Furst, we goed to teh booshiz neer teh front dore. I piddld on dem. Den I snift sum kars. Den, akross teh parkylawt, derz moar booshiz! I snift dem awl, an' choze teh mos oshpishiss wun to piddl on. Den I snift teh big red pikkuptruk whut haz horztraylr. Dat truk ar VAREE snify.
(I had such a good time. First we went to the bushes near the front door. I piddled on them. Then I sniffed some cars. Then, across the parking lot, there are more bushes! I sniffed them all, and chose the most auspicious one to piddle on. Then I sniffed the big red pickup truck that has a horse trailer. That truck has a lot of smells on it.)

I klawd a trie, den we goed up by teh othr bilding, I nawt bin der bafoar! Der wuz a whol buncha booshiz, I snift dem awl, an' I piddld on 2 ov dem. Teh nitetiem ar varee snify.
(I clawed a tree, then we went up by the other building. I have not been there before! There were a whole bunch of bushes, and I sniffed them all, and piddled on two of them. The nighttime is full of smells.)

Den I fownd dis piel ov stinky, laik a doggehpoops. It wuz unnar a trie, so I lukd up to maek shur if doggeh wuz inna trie or if teh trie poopd. Shur wuzznt no doggehz arown, so it mussa bin teh trie whut poopd.
(Then I found a pile that was stinky, like dog poop. It was right under a tree, so I looked up to see if a dog was in the tree, or if the tree had pooped. There were no dogs around, so it must have been the tree that pooped.)

I snift sum moar karz, den mumma sed, "Kibblz, is u dun YET?" I komd ovr to mumma an' put mai pawz up on hur leg, kuz I lubz her, an I wuz reddy to go hoam. I liek it when mumma karryz meh hoam.
(I sniffed some more cars, then mama said, "Kibbles, are you done yet?" I came over to mama and put my paws up on her leg because I love her, and I was ready to go home. I like it when mama carries me home.)

I kommd insied, an' teh othr kittehz snift meh. I huffapufft at dem, kuz I no liek othr kitiz snifin meh. I eetid sum fuud, nao I goze luuk owt teh windo. Maebee nap. I dunnoze.
(I came inside and the other cats sniffed me. I huffed at them because I don't like being sniffed. I ate some food and now I'll go look out the window. Maybe I'll nap, I don't know.)

I luvz walkiez. Maebee in liek, idunno, 10 minnitz, we does it agin? yay!
(I love walks. Maybe in 10 minutes we'll go do it again.)

Ummm Dis videeoo ar teh FUNNEH!!!

I luvz mah mumma.

I's juss sayin. She ar gud mumma.

Luv u mumma.

Mai blawgz, nao wif tranzlaeshin!

(My blog, now with translation!)

K, mumma haz frenz whut reedz my blawg an' dey sez dey no can unnarstanz meh.
(Okay, mama has friends who read my blog, and they said they cannot understand me.)

So, mumma be tranzlaets foar meh. Yay mumma!
(So, mama translates for me. Yay mama!)

Mummaz hoam!

Mumma went to watch teh Star Trek moovy. She sed it were priddy gud. I dunnoze nuffin' bowt Star Trek but I knoes I luvz to goze walkies. So when she gottid hoam wif Daddeh I got to goze walkies, whish iz awsuum.

Derz buggeez owtsied, dey maek teh buzzy noiz. Mumma sed kud be frawgz too, but I finks deyz buggeez.

I varee glad I nawt ketch dat stoopy lizar! Mumma luukd on teh intarwebz, an' it sed derz sum kinna poizin in bloo-tayl lizarz! omg! Dis ar varee skaree to meh. I thot teh orinj wunz asposd to be poizin, but iz bloo wunz too!!

Stoopd lizarz.

Dis ar a videoze ov meh.

Mumma taekd dis video ov meh when I wuz hasin a seezor.

I nawt has had a gud dae.

I felt rly pleh todae, an' all suddin, teh werld nawt stop goin' spinnyz an' jumpyz. I tryd to maek it stop but it not stop!! Mumma wuz liek, "omg kibblz!! Is u has a seezor?" an I wus tryin' to tells hur teh werld... it all dizzy. I tryd to go walkiez to mumma but I falld down. Werld nawt stop moovin! Stoopid werld!

Mumma been varee werryd todae. She sed she had a heddake an' dint want to goze owt, but den, allasudden, we goed owt wifowt mumma evin puttin' on hur shooz! She juss grabd meh an' we went for kar-ride. I wuz awl woozly an just held on to mumma, kuz teh werld wuz awl jumpyz. Mumma sed I has a seezor, whutebr dat ar.

Mumma talkd to lots of peepl, we kep gittin' in teh kar goin' sumwhar else, but fynally teh werld stopt jumpyz, an' dat wuz gud. Den der wuz laedee in whyt coat, she stukd stuff in my eerz an' a fingy in my butt. I knoez a vet when I seez wun. I nawt wunted dis, I jus wuntid a nap! I wuz sik of werld goin' all whirly. Mumma talkd to teh laedee, I not lissind, I tryd to nap.

Teh laedee gibd mumma sum stuff for my eers, I no liekz it. Feelz weerd to has a stuff in my eerz!! But my eers been kinna itchy laetleez. Den teh othr laedeez gibd meh lots ob treets, an dat wuz awsuum. I lubs treets. I nom-nom-nomd teh treets.

Werld nawt bin so jumpyz sins den. Dat ar gud.

Mumma maked der be moar for u to reads, at her blawg: http://www.elfination.com.

Bad Doggeh!? Bad Kitteh? NO! Bad HOOMIN!!

Ok, so der wuz a stoaree abowt a big meen kitteh whut sneekyPOWNS on a doggeh an' teh peeplz.

Teh doggeh livd, ownr paed teh bilz, etc etc, an ebbin *I* hoo haet doggeh, I finkd wuz a gud doggeh, kuz him luvd himz peeplz an' portektid dem.

But den! Owait! Turns owt, iz nawt such gud afferawl!

Kitteh did no powns an' attax teh peeplz. No! Kitteh rund awae, an' DOGGEH attaxd teh KITTEH! O, I knewd it! Nao, doggeh problee finkd it wuz bein' gud doggeh... chaess teh kitteh whut had big teefs.... but den derz a rly gud kweshtin: Whai a doggeh has no leesh? Ebbin *I* hoo iz a KITTEH!! I haz a leesh!!

Teh updaet ar heer: http://www.latimes.com/news/la-mew-mountain-lion7-2009may07,0,1017575.story?track=rss
http://opinion.latimes.com/opinionla/2009/05/the-mountain-lion-was-framed.html

Stoopd hoomins, lettin' der dogz off leesh. Leesh has a reezin. Ebbin I HAS LEESH.

Yesserdae, I had a skard ov a bunneh. Jus' sayin'. If I bin off mai leesh, I mite has runnd awae liek teh othr kitti tryd do. Bunnehs ar konfoozin' to meh. Insted I askd mummah to pix meh up an' portekt meh, kuz Mumma duz dat.

Mumma drawd a kimmit

Mumma did nuthr wun

dis wun priddy awesuum too!!

a piktor ov meh? omg!

Mumma got a noo fingy!! It ar silbr wif a pen an' stuf.

it ar flat, plugz into kompootar.

Mumma sez is a Wacom Bamboo Fun Tablet.

I dunno, is maek gud piktorz tho. Luk!! Luk at dis wun!! It ar piktor ov MEH!! Mumma has a smart.

Dis ar gud dog!

I rly nont liek dog. Dey is skaree to meh. But I fink dis ar gud wun. I nawt a fan ov gyint bad kitteh. Kittehs nawt aspos to nomz teh peeplz, juss teh guushifuud.

Doggeh Saevz Ownr frum bad kitteh!!

Teh rainz, we has it.

It ar fundarstormz today. Varee much. Kimmit is dissapeerd. I nawt has seed her foar howarz.

Mumma sez Kimmit ar unner teh kitchen counter.

Kimmit ar weerd liek dat. She ar slinky.

Teh fundarstormz be kinna loud. Sumtyms I hide a little. Is jus' for a minnit. I also forgotted abowt how ders rayns owtside when derz fundarstorms, I wanna go owt walkies but den is all wet like baff! Whai it do dat!?!? I no liek it.

O, ebbrywun, U haz bin so naiss to meh! Mumma sed I maked sum munneez alreddy, dis ar a prowd foar meh. I has a job, iz gud kitteh.

Ring, Ring?

Cattaphone!

I's lookin' out teh windo, an' I sees birdys. I iz a kitteh, ov korss, so I chattrz liek kittehz do. But I myowz also whyl chattrz.

Mumma sez I sound liek a Cat-phone.

Morning Walkies

Dis moarny, I goze walkies wif mumma. I peed on teh bushes an' stuff. I was sniffin' sum othr bushes when teh naybur whut usuly has teh dog Sonja ... him kom out to go to werks. Him opind his car dore, an I wuz liek, OMG OBOY We goze CAR RIDE!!

Mumma dint let meh in teh kar. I dunno why. *pout*

But it wuz good walkies anniewae. Mumma sae she ar proud ov meh kuz I bein' gud kitty.

A smug, I has it.

We had a walkies, an' it wuz naiss.

Nao, I doze sleepily whyle mumma cookz teh dinnr.

I dreams of cans of guushifuud and snorgling teh laedees in teh partmint offiss. They gibs meh treets....

Yes, I is a gud kiti.

Lizards

OMG! Todae we went walkies, an' I sawed wun ov DEES!! Mumma tryd to ketch it but is varee fast.

Mumma sez is a Five-Lined Skink. I fink is jus a lizarz.

Is maezingz! Dey is so fast. Skink!

I hope that Googlez be givin' everyone good stuff to klik. Thank u to evrywun who klix stuff already, kuz I has maed FOUR DOLLIRZ todae! Dat iz almoss 2 big kanz of guushifuud!! YAY!!

K thx ebbrywun! I tellz u laetr if I seez moar skinklizarz.

Gud moarny, werld!

I went outside, went pees, an' nao, I waet.

Now, you click my ads!

Dey is by guugl! Dey maek u buyz stuf. Dat ar wunnerfolz. YAY. U buys.

Bastocat ar snorlax. I take a nap nao too. :D kthxbai!!

Dis fuud, I luvz it.

is best fuud evar. Srsly.

Euclid

Dis are Euclid, him livs in Oklahoma with Sage. Sage are varee nice. She luvz teh Eukieburd.

Omg! Mumma gotted meh a job!

Ohai der, I's KB. My mumma dasydid, I needs a jobz.

SO.

Heer I am, bein' a kitteh. U plz to klik on ads, teh ads, dey send meh munnyz, an den, I can buyz guushifuud!!

I lubs u all. YAY!